The universe is vast. The planet is vast. The human intestine is vast – if you are a tiny bacteria lounging around in there. While I have not witnessed any miracles and I do not have tangible proof that there is a deity out there looking over us, I do believe there is something bigger than us out there. Something beyond our comprehension. I believe the various gods humanity has come up with are representations of this and, for practical reasons, we gave them names, faces, and rituals. Because I found it hard to choose one, but felt the belief within me, I choose to worship the sun itself. Each year, I join the sun pilgrimage to the top of Mount Tarasco, the tallest in my country. A symbolic gesture to be closer to the deity, to feel its warmth a little closer and to meditate.

While the vast expanse of a mountaintop fills me with joy, I can say the opposite about dark, crowded places. I have an irrational fear of crowds that manifests at a physical level. The lizard brain goes into fight or flight, and always chooses flight. Put me in the middle of a crowded music festival and I'll quickly seek the edge of the crowd. Trap me on a packed wagon, and I'll get out at the next stop, even if it means I'll be late for work. I often think what may have caused this fear to exist in me, but I cannot come up with a logical answer. Perhaps in early childhood I experienced something that stayed in my subconscious. If that's the case, I do not recall it. And so, I simply do my best to avoid large crowds, especially in enclosed spaces.

I grew up in a family that valued academic prowess above all else. They cared little for athletics, and art was but a hobby to be pursued outside school, never a priority within its own right. Since I could do little about my situation but obey my parents, I ended up spending many hours in classrooms, libraries, and in my room reading books. The sciences did not stick in spite of my father's best efforts, but I did find joy in literature, philosophy and history. Each discipline related to the others, each one revealing to me different facets of the human condition. Novels showed me creativity and the abundance of human emotions and perspectives. Philosophy taught me to be open minded and never accept an idea just because one person says so. Much is debatable and questionable, even the ideas we generally think of as basic truths. History showed me how humans chose to use power, ideas, and creativity in practical ways that shaped future generations. By the end of my schooling, I was an expert in these fields and able to get a good read on people and their intentions even with only basic information in hand. Little did I know reality would soon test those skills, and reality’s harsher than any academic setting.

Given all that I learned about humans, past, present and future, it should come as no surprise that I rejected traditional gender roles for my society. I've faced challenges for this. My own father mocked me if I engaged in hobbies seen as feminine. Peers bullied me for I was not as strong and brave as other boys. Even teachers made jokes on occasion, about boys who did more with their minds than with their muscles. As I got older I learned how to tread carefully when needed, and how to express myself freely when in a supportive environment. It remains a challenge, but not an unsurmountable one. Life is too short to live in fear!

My bookish pursuits, cerebral inclinations, and open minded nature clearly make me a lover more than a fighter. I will fight if I have to, but I will always try to win without violence if possible. As the saying goes, “you catch more flies with honey”. In a pure contest of strength, I'd lose fairly quickly, unless I can outwit my opponent and leverage some form of combat ingenuity or trickery. Spending my younger years in the library did not build me for hand-to-hand combat. I avoid direct conflict, but I can use my skills, charisma, and intellect to achieve bigger goals. If the goal is to win a bar fight, you better find another ally. If the goal is to open diplomatic relations with a neighbouring city-state, I'm your man!

I don't have many friends, but I have a few close ones. My best friend is Portos. We went to school together and remained friends long after. Where other kids seemed distant, Portos welcomed me to his group of friends with open arms right away. That gesture meant a lot to me, and I will never forget his kindness. Even as life took us on different paths, we make time to check on one another, and even reunite the old group once a year. Portos is a cheerful man, who loves food and drink, and doesn't have any concerns with how others see him. While a healthy balanced diet may not be his number one priority, a happy life is. He emanates joy wherever he goes. He is kind to all, even to those who don't really deserve it. He inspires those around him to be better, kinder, and more loving. He's also a great teacher, sharing his knowledge eagerly with any who show curiosity in his areas of expertise.

My family’s focus on academic results did offer me a slight privileged position in life, one that does not attract the attention of the very rich. I didn’t stray much from my family’s history of gainful employment and managed to continue as part of this privileged class after my studies concluded. The good grades paid off and the humanistic nature of my studies allowed me to be persuasive in arguing my case for deserving certain jobs or material opportunities. I currently work at the largest bookstore in the city, and one day I hope to own my own and spread the love of books to others in my community. Since the local school system uses the store for most of their bulk orders, this job pays unusually well for what it is.

~*~

The Gendarmerie… a pain in my scrawny ass. These strict, tough guys in their proper uniforms have not been on my side for as far as I can remember. Officer Bidot especially. I am not trying to piss him off, but I also seem to have a certain bad luck running into him at the worst of times. I’ll be in the park with seemingly nobody around, enjoying the sunset, the accordion player in the distance, and I think to myself “why not add to the relaxing experience a few puffs from my special herb pipe?” Within seconds of lighting the match, Officer Bidot somehow materializes ten meters from me. No young kids in sight, no Moon Monks either (they are much stricter than us sun worshipers), but somehow he feels the need to give me a warning. Lucky for me he can’t arrest me for personal use of herb pipes, but I am sure he is salivating at the chance that he catches me with a larger quantity. He won’t. Sometimes I wonder if he gives me a hard time with the herb pipe in expectation of some sort of bribe. Maybe all he needs is a little extra coin for his Friday night peach schnapps. If I had the certainty this would get him off my back, I’d gladly pay him off.

Well, I shouldn’t worry too much about Bidot. The Ruler Cycle just ended and I am happy to say Lord Urzeus is next in line. A blessing for all intellectuals and lovers of justice and kindness. Urzeus has done wonders in his home city state, and most citizens are excited to see what he will do at the helm on the nation state itself! I think anyone who has corruption in mind better clean up their act. I better not try to bribe Bidot, after all, and he better stop harassing me. I hope him and his buddies get reprimanded for beating up the homeless population!

Above all, I think the Sunny Side Up Society will benefit from a ruler like Urzeus. We’re a group of sun worshipers who also enjoy the health benefits of fancy herbs. But our real calling is helping the less fortunate in any way we can. We won’t go as far as fighting Bidot’s gang, but we’ll be patching up wounds, donating food, spreading education and books to those who cannot afford it, and any other activities we come up with. Once a month, we have a weekend march through the city: the Sunny Steps. Each of us brings a small cart or a large backpack filled with whatever goods we were able to acquire, and we distribute them to the needy. I usually get my hands on books that are not in perfect condition and can’t be sold in the shop, library books at the end of their life or with too many annotations, writing utensils, and of course – and please do not tell Officer Bidot – ample quantities of herb to put some sunny feelings in everyone’s soul.

~*~

It was last month’s Sunny Steps when something bizarre happened. I was handing out used books near an orphanage when a strange girl came up to me to receive a book. At first I did not get a good look at her, busy looking for a book appropriate for a child. But when I handed it to her and looked her in the eye, I was greeted by eyes as yellow as dandelions. Never have I seen such eye colour. I froze, but she simply smiled, thanked me for the book, and walked away. I must have stood there bewildered for several minutes because when I woke up from my trance the kids were all gone, along with half the books. No harm done.

While the yellow eyes are reason enough for my bewilderment, what truly shocked me is a forgotten memory from seven years ago. I was still in school, in a later academic year. Walking home from an evening seminar, I stopped at the night market to grab a bite. The market was unusually busy for a Tuesday, so I ended up in one of the deeper dark alleys in search of a food stall with no lineup. A delicious smell grabbed me by the nostrils at the corner of Rue Fezan and Rue Noir. The stall was run by an old woman who seemed neither particularly happy nor sad to see me there. There was much wisdom in her eyes, and the food looked good. I was starving. I picked one of the sandwiches and got a few coins out to pay. She then offered me a bottle of refreshing juice on the house. As I was very hungry, I sat down on the nearest bench and gulped down the food and the juice. This somehow went to my head, and I had a feeling this juice may have been spiked with something. I fell into a trance, and I remember the old woman laughing at me, a sorrowful laugh, neither mocking nor cruel.

The trance did not last long, the crone was still there, and occasional customers still wandered by. She did not give them juice. She suddenly asked me:

“What did you see?”

I was taken aback, but tried to focus and think about the vivid dream I just had on that bench. I saw a mountain, and gleaming metal rods coming out of deep mines. I saw golden books in the hands of powerful bishops and large numbers of desolate people in long lines. I saw great beasts of metal laying waste to villages.

“Ah yes!” said the crone. “It’s not far off now! The yellow-eyed child shall mark the beginning of the end.”

This memory rested deep in my unconscious mind as I assumed it was all part of the same dream, all a part of that nasty juice she gave me. Until now.

I rushed to the orphanage gate and asked about this child, but nobody has seen the yellow eyes. They also looked at me like I was a little crazy. Disturbed by my encounter, I went home. If this yellow-eyed child is real, how much more of that dream may also come to pass? People will think I am crazy, but I must seek out this child, the mines, this mysterious gleaming metal that seems to bring nothing but danger, death, and destruction.

~*~

The month following my encounter with the crone and the yellow eyed child was spent making preparations for my quest. I started with my immediate sources of knowledge: the book store, the library, the local academic institutions, even churches and other places of worship and knowledge. From high priests to fortune tellers, I roamed the streets in search of clues. My friends wanted to believe me, but I am not sure how many did. Even Portos glanced at me with concern.

I had but given up when help arrived from the unlikeliest of places. I was in the central square attending the inauguration of Lord Urzeus's ascendency to the seat of power, the head of the Long Table in The Cube, a fortified bastion where the most critical branches of power were housed. During his speech, he ensured The Cube will be a lot more open and less secretive than his predecessor kept it, and all are welcome to seek a hearing with those in power. To my surprise, they accepted my application almost immediately and a week later I was in the queue to for my five minutes with Lord Urzeus.

“Lord Urzeus! Thank you for the chance to speak with you directly. It may seem crazy, but I am convinced something dangerous is brewing somewhere in the realm. Do any of the following mean anything to you or the members of the Long Table: luminous metal mined from deep in the mountains, people with unnaturally yellow eyes, books of gold wielded as sources of power by powerful leaders, and great mechanical beasts capable of great destruction?”

The lord's face lost some of its benevolence with each additional item on my list, looking downright grim by the end of it. With a weave of the hand he ordered the guards to usher out the other commoners and shut the doors.

“Aramis! How you came by such knowledge is less concerning to me than the immediate danger of this prophecy. I know nothing of great beasts, but I have heard rumours of a new element discovered in the mountains of Tal-Gareen. As you know, that's not exactly far from here. The ones who discovered it are a powerful cult with chapters in most city states. They call themselves The Pillars of Rebirth. I would not be surprised if they even started spreading their corruption in smaller hamlets too. The properties of this new metal are rumoured to be powerful and even magical, if harnessed correctly. If The Pillars found a way to use this to their advantage, I am not surprised of anything you spoke of just now.”

My heart was relieved to hear Lord Urzeus speak this way, confirming my vision rather than mocking me and throwing me out on my ass. The Pillars are not unknown to me, of course. I came across many references to them, but never in such a tangible and dangerous context. As far as I gathered, they were merely another small religious sect, not all that different from the Sun Worshippers or the Moon Monks or any other such group. The lord continued:

“The yellow eyes are proof enough something is already in motion. We have already spotted occasional manifestations of this trait. Now we have a vague explanation. Aramis! You must travel to the mountains of Tal-Gareen and gather more information. I will send my own men too, but you will be a great asset since you'll attract less attention. For your protection, I'll have one of my officers accompany you. He's a bit rugged around the edges, but he's strong and seems loyal, so he will do just fine as a bodyguard. He will meet you in a week's time outside your dwelling. Be ready for travel! Send what knowledge you gather and my men will do the same. If we are lucky, we will end this before it starts. A few Pillars propagating their beliefs is one thing. Them rising armies and mechanical weapons is a danger to us all. Their new leader, Great Pillar Baraka is a dangerous woman who lost everything three decades ago in the War of Seven. That she has been plotting her revenge upon the realm is of no surprise. Don't be fooled by her charisma! Your empathy will only be rewarded with torture if you fail to embrace the cult's beliefs. Now go! Your 5 minutes are up.”

~*~

To his credit Lord Urzeus did invest time and people into the task at hand. By the time I had to explain my need to take time away from the book store, Sir Wallace, the owner, had already been briefed and compensated for my temporary absence. I informed my Sunny Steps group that I needed to take a journey and will return in a few weeks’ time, so they do not worry. Same goes for family members and close neighbours. I almost thought about informing Officer Bidot from the Gendermerie, just so he can stop trying to find me enjoying my herb pipe in the park, but decided to let him wonder in his thick head what may have happened to me.

The week was up, by bag was packed, and my cover was set: I was a book store representative looking to expand the business in rural areas, on a quest to see what already exists and what the appetite was for a book shop in smaller mountain hamlets. I heard the horse and carriage pull outside my dwelling, so I knew my bodyguard was here to start our journey to the mountains of Tal-Gareen.

“You!”

“You?”

Cruel fate! Any excitement faded from my bones as I opened the door to see none other than Officer Bidot at the helm of the small carriage. He was wearing civilian clothing, but it was obvious he concealed a large dagger under his cloak. He was prepared for the dangers ahead and I quickly realized I was far from prepared for that kind of danger myself.

“I had to leave my wife and 3 young girls behind for you and your so called prophetic visions. Aramis, you herb-loving so-called scholar and intellectual! Ha! How you got Lord Urzeus to support this ridiculous venture is beyond me. Alas, I am a gendarme. I will obey my orders and will set any differences aside... for now. Just don't be an idiot and let me handle any miscreants on the way. Let's find whatever it is you need to find for the lord, get my hefty reward, and get back to my family and regular life.”

“Fine with me, Bidot. Don't worry, you can get back to busting my ass and getting drunk on peach schnapps soon enough.”

“Watch it!” said Bidot with an angry frown.

“See? Doesn't feel good when you're at the receiving end of mockery, does it?”

With a grunt he cracked the whip and the horse started pulling on the main road west, towards the mountains of Tal-Gareen.

Bidot calmed down a bit as the hours and days passed. His tough exterior appeared more and more fake to me, and I started seeing a simple man who missed his wife and children more than anything. Three daughters is a lot of work for just his wife, Nala, to take care of in his absence. He also turned a blind eye to my occasional pipe smoking. We reached a sort of silent mutual understanding for the journey. As the plains turned into hills and the hills turned into mountains, the air got colder. Snow was present on the mountain peaks. The road got harder. Villages and hamlets were harder to come by. We were at the mercy of occasional inns, hermits in mountain cabins, caves, and anything else that could keep us a little warmer at night. Food became a problem too, and we had to ration what we had. Bidot set some traps for wildlife at night, but other than the occasional rabbit or squirrel, he didn't catch much. Exhaustion was quickly settling in.

The scarcity of food was rivalled by the scarcity of information. Three weeks on the road and into the mountains, and not a single sign of mines, luminous metal, cultists, or people with yellow eyes. Only cold, narrow roads, and hunger came in plenty. We had nothing but willpower to push through.

In our third week we came to Bear's Pass. This gave me hope as I knew The Blue Tower, the mountain monastery of the Moon Monks, must be near. Surely, they would grant us refuge, and if we are lucky, help us re-supply. Indeed, in a few hours we happened upon the monastery. The Blue Tower was a lot larger and more crowded than I would have expected. In talking to other travellers and to some of the monks there, I finally made progress. They did know of The Pillars of Rebirth and have seen more cultists than usual in these parts. Compared to a few years ago, they seemed well equipped, and yes, some had unusually yellow eyes, especially among the ones leaving the mountains. A concerning pattern! As for the mines, we were told only cultists or perhaps hunters may know their whereabouts. We decided to stay at the monastery for a few days to rest and gather more information.

On the third day there, I had a hard time sleeping due to loud snoring in the large shared guest sleeping quarter, so I went outside to enjoy my herb pipe in solitude and silence. The air was cold, but refreshing compared to the stuffy quarters and Bidot's smelly socks. After a puff or two, I noticed I was not alone. Another herb enthusiast seemed to have had the same idea as I did. I walked over to the stranger.

“Cold night, isn't it?” I said.

The cloaked figure turned to face me. A woman with yellow eyes! She said:

“Indeed, but it does not bother me.”

I hit the jackpot! This could prove very fruitful for my investigation. I stayed calm and remembered my cover.

“I am a book salesman looking to expand the business across the realm. The mountains are new to me. Any larger hamlets, castles, or monasteries other than this one?” I asked with honest ignorance.

“The deeper you go, the less you will find. Best turn around, city dweller! Nobody needs your books here other than a few monks, perhaps.”

Not ready to accept a dead end so soon, I pushed.

“I'm afraid I cannot go back. I must reach the coast beyond the mountains. The city of Serrenfal is my destination.” I lied.

“Hmm,” she grunted, “I doubt you'll find a warm welcome beyond this point, but if the bandits and wildlife don't kill you, you might catch a break at The Rook – if you're lucky. Many hunters use the dilapidated fortress as shelter. But I doubt they want any books.”

Still no mention of the mines, and a promise of continued hardship on the road.

“Can't say I met anyone with yellow eyes before,” I lied hoping for additional information from this obvious cultist.

“You'll meet more soon. Many, many more,” she said with lightness and joy.

And with that, she left.

My head swimming with all the new information, I sent a messenger crow out to Lord Urzeus. Unable to go to bed, I wandered the halls of the monastery. Many wondrous artefacts lined the main prayer hall. I gazed at them in the pale moonlight and candle light. In a corner, I came upon an old book that looked familiar. Upon closer inspection, I realised it's the original Tome of Eternal Wisdom, a foundational text of the Moon Monks' creed but also a cornerstone of many subsequent works of literature that aimed to unlock the mysteries of life and knowledge. I imagined displaying this in the book store. The crowds it would draw from many realms! The glory bestowed upon myself for bringing such unique artefact to the city's largest book store! Alas, I am no thief. I walked away with a heavy sigh and a mental note to one day ask the head monk to let me study the text in person.

~*~

To my surprise, I encountered the yellow-eyed woman again the next evening. This time she seemed in a chattier mood, but avoided revealing any meaningful information form my quest. Having enjoyed only the company of a grumpy Bidot, I almost forgot the stranger was a cultist. After a few puffs of the herb pipe the evening atmosphere around the hearth felt very relaxed and friendly. As I was walking back from the latrine, the stranger was waiting for me in a concealed alleyway. Stupid of me, I know, but I felt optimistic about my chances and the company of a pretty lady seemed quite good in these cold mountains.

In a split second her friendly smile turns into a feral grimace as she pulls out a dagger!

“It ends here, bookworm! Nobody messes with the Pillars and lives!”

I freeze. I have no combat experience.

Bidot, on the other hand, does. He appears from the shadows and swiftly knocks out the cultist.

“So much for that deep intellect, o wise Aramis!,” he says in a mocking tone, “ha ha ha!”

Embarrassed, I thanked him for saving my life. We tied up the cultist and called the monastery guards to follow their due process with her.

Little did I know this was only the first time on the journey that Officer Bidot would save my life. Our trials were just beginning. The Blue Tower sent us on our way with good supplies to last us a while. Unfortunately, we had to part ways with our small carriage as the terrain became too treacherous for horses. We proceeded on foot, with heavy backpacks.

The next few days were a gruelling trek through the unwelcoming mountains of Tal-Gareen. Deep woods, narrow passes, freezing streams, all sorts of wild life and occasional humans, some just travellers, others hunters. Bandits and cultists were less common, but Bidot's stature kept most of them at bay. He no longer concealed his large dagger, and armed himself with an axe and a short sword too. The monks were kind enough to give me some basic training in using a dagger as well as some milk of the poppy darts which caused enemies to sink into a stupor. I wish I could say we didn't need all these weapons, but we did.

The terrain tested our mental and physical limits. The cold almost killed us at night. The wolves and bears were licking their lips in expectation of fresh meat. Every day I questioned whether this was worth it at all. I longed to be back in the city, working in the book shop, out on Sunny Steps with Portos and the sun worshippers, and enjoying the herb pipe in the park. That life seems almost like a dream, especially when a bandit is trying to choke you while you pray that your bodyguard is still alive to save you. Bidot and I must have aged five years in less than six weeks on the mountain paths. But in spite of it all, we somehow crossed The Six Spires, which means we were past the hardest part of the mountain range. Within a day, we already felt a warmer wind, from the ocean, and reached the tree line shortly after.

~*~

A glimmer of hope: from the base of The Six Spires we could see the rock face of all nearby mountains, and two things caught out eyes. On a smooth cliff in the distance some man-made structures seemed to snake up to a large cavernous opening. The mine!

Not too far from the mine, smoke rose from the forest and we could see ruins of an old fortress near the smoke.

“The Rook!” said I.

“I think we found our cultists,” said Bidot.

From here on, we decided to tread carefully. We avoided the main path and made our way to the mine, planning to get closer at night and see if there were signs of the luminous metal and the cultists.

~*~

Evening fell upon us as we waited hidden near the mine. Both Bidot and I felt somewhat optimistic. It was so close now. All we have to do is confirm the cultists are mining this magical metal, send message to Lord Urzeus, and descend into the valley and towards the coast. From the large city of Serrenfal we'd use the lord's seal to gain access to comfortable travel back home to Kalas, and return as heroes.

Once it was dark enough, we started moving in the direction of the mine. As we approached, we saw a couple of cultists heading towards The Rook. Behind them, in a small cart, gleaming metal rods! As I turn to Bidot, I feel a small jab in my leg. Confused, I look down to see a small dart. Before passing out, I see Bidot's smiling face above me.

When I wake up, I am tied to a chair in some ruins. A makeshift hall. Around me, cultists going about their evening jobs. Gleaming metal rods stored for transport in large wooden crates. A cloaked figure approaches me. Yellow eyes. It is the stranger form the monastery!

“Hello again, mr. bookworm! Sold any books on the way here?” the stranger asks mockingly.

My eyes search for Bidot, even though I think optimism is misplaced, and his betrayal is clear.

“Bidot works for us, even if his eyes are not yellow. You know, I have not seen a dumber intellectual my whole life. I am not sure what Urzeus sees in you, but you're lucky he wants you alive. Urzeus... always the optimist. 'The bookworm had visions of our future glory' yada yada yada... How annoying! I confess, that herb you enjoy so much sure gave you some interesting dreams. But dreams are not reality, and the reality is that you're being enlisted into The Pillars of Rebirth. Care to guess who I am?” she asks.

“Great Pillar Baraka,” I respond in a defeated tone.

Slow applause from the cult leader.

“Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!” she says sarcastically. “Enough chit chat. Bring the book and an amulet!”

In the novels I read and the plays I saw on stage, the hero has a chance to discuss at length with his foe. A deus ex machina intervenes at the last moment. The tables turn. Not for me! Before I have a chance to protest, two cultists hold me still. A third places a coin-sized luminous metal amulet around my neck. Baraka opens a golden book with glowing runes on the pages and starts reciting an incantation.

“Domine metalli, domine lucis, recipe hanc novam animam in aeternum servitium tuum, da ei renascentiam, potentiam aeternam!”

One doesn't often think of being at the receiving end of a cultist ritual. If one does think of it, one may think there is time to fight, to find a loophole, to cut the ropes in time. Reality is much quicker and efficient. It takes but seconds for her to recite the incantation, and once she closes the book with a loud thud, the amulet blazes with light, burns like hell as I cry in pain, and embeds itself into my sternum. A guard splashes water on me to wake me up as I pass out from the pain. As I regain consciousness, something feels off. I see everything in a yellow tint and I know instinctively that my eyes are now yellow.

They cut the ropes and give me water to drink. Baraka puts an arm around my shoulder like an old reassuring friend.

“Welcome to the club, bookworm! Care to guess what your purpose is?”

I can only think of my vision of the bishops holding the golden books. What is strange is that something in me thirsts for the book, craves its secrets, and demands that I bring more souls to the Pillars of Rebirth. I'm too shocked to answer, to shocked to think clearly. I quickly reach for a dagger in Baraka's belt, and she just smiles amused.

“I'll kill myself before I become your slave!” I threaten.

“Try!” says she.

Once again these bursts of bravery only seem to work in the novels and plays. I am unable to even kill a rabbit, let alone take my own life.

“If it makes you feel any better, Urzeus saw some real potential in you. That is why he sent you here. How do you think he accomplished such miracles prior to becoming ruler? Pure genius and perseverance? Don't make me laugh. We've worked together for a long time. Him and I even contributed to the cult's numbers with our flesh and blood. I think you met one of my daughters in Kalas. She's a good little spy!”

“The child with the yellow eyes... You do this ritual on children?”

“Of course not. We're not barbarians! Children born of Pillars have yellow eyes from birth. I guess the books in your shop didn't teach you that.”

She continues to talk to me as I sit there defeated.

“Every day you will feel the calling. We all do. We have all been summoned to usher the new age, a rebirth of civilization. With the power of the gleaming metal, we can shape the world as we see fit. I lost everything in the War of Seven. I was but a child. Evil men destroyed my family, my village, and threw everyone still alive in cages to be used as slaves. I escaped only because I was so malnourished that I was able to squeeze through the bars. So, don't you dare judge me, bookworm! Count your blessings and embrace your new reality as a Pillar of the Word. Study the golden book, copy the golden book, learn the incantations and help us recruit more souls to our ranks. Each soul increases our resonance field, and with more resonance comes more power, and with more power comes the new age!”

Exhausted and overwhelmed, I start sobbing like a helpless child.

“I'll leave you with this: you may feel powerless now, having lost all control of your own life. But ask yourself: what did you really have in life? A cozy spot in a cozy city? A few friends? A few good deeds with your Sunny Steps and Sunny Side Up Society? Are you even that person anymore, after the journey that brought you here? Perhaps it is time to embrace your new role and embrace real power, power to change millions of lives, not just those of a few homeless people. Good night.”

She walks away as one cultist helps me get to my makeshift bed for the night, where I fall into a deep slumber immediately.

~*~

In the morning I joined a group of cultists heading back to Kalas. Still reeling from the experience last night, I was unable to focus on much and mostly let myself be shepherded off to wherever they took me. There was no more immediate danger. I knew the road back was long, so I decided to focus on recovering my strength and mental energy before tackling the complexities of my new reality.

So I focused on the road and its practicalities for a while. We took a roundabout way back. No more treacherous mountain passes. We followed the smoother road through the hills and plains. I have not traveled this regions before, so it was refreshing to see something new and not freeze to death or starve. I saw villages with mixed populations: some with yellow eyes, some without. In many villages there were glowing shrines. On a street corner, a little stone arch no taller than a child, with a small glowing metal artifact bolted in the middle. Simple, easy to replicate. I underestimated the presence of the Pillars as well as their reach. Strange that Kalas was so different. Perhaps they avoided the large centres of power. Perhaps that is where people like me come in, a final stage of the plan. While I was shocked to see the wide spread of the Pillars, something raw in me felt soothed. This feeling was very much at odds with my individualistic perspective on life.

“Great, I’m becoming a mindless grunt like Bidot, finding comfort in the bosom of a cult…” I muttered to myself.

I must confess, seeing the peace and apparent order and cooperation in these villages did make me second guess myself. The long trip back will give me plenty of time to consider my new purpose and the real scope of the Pillars.

Although the journey back seemed to be going well initially, I did realize about three days in that something seemed to follow the group. Sometimes a shadow just outside my field of view. Sometimes footsteps in the dark where there should be none. If it wanted to hurt me, it never succeeded. Too many cultists around me at all times. Nobody with bad intentions – or good ones! – could get close without at least several people taking note. Whatever it was, it stopped pursuing us once we left the hills and the forests. To this day I wonder what it may have been. A guardian? A foe? The grim reaper itself? I will never know.

The road did also take us through another Moon Monk monastery, this one in the last heavily forested stretch of road before reaching the Planes of Mana. Nothing surprises me anymore on this journey, so seeing the monks all had yellow eyes now merely got a half-hearted “huh” out of me. Clearly the Pillars had been hard at work converting not only regular folk, but other groups too. As we stayed the night, I decided to make conversation with a monk, Vadim.

“I only recently… ‘joined’ the Pillars,” said I. “Do the Moon Monk beliefs clash with the Pillars?”

To which I received a typical Moon Monk reply:

“Warm water and cold water is still water. The flow is what is important.”

He smiled and walked away.

I hated how at ease everyone was. How was everyone just accepting this? I was exhausted from fighting this notion in my own head, and from fighting the raw energy emanating form the metal amulet embedded in my sternum. Unfortunately, with this magical metal, reason was insufficient. It worked in powerful ways that resonated on a different level. The brain was powerless against it, and giving in felt like blissful release, like giving up swimming upstream and letting a warm river take you. If what Baraka said about that so-called ‘resonance filed’ was true, and if the number of cultists was any indication of their spread, the field is already incredibly strong and everyone sporting yellow eyes might be feeling the warm current. My will to fight kept dwindling over the few weeks of the journey back. It’s not gone, but it is weak and even if I found a way to fight it, I started wondering why bother? The Pillars of Rebirth had so many numbers, not to mention Lord Urzeus on their side. The war was lost before it even begun.

~*~

Arriving back in Kalas presented its own challenges. Ashamed that I failed my journey and afraid of what my family and friends would say about my yellow eyes, I avoided them for a number of days. When they finally met me, there was fear and sadness in their eyes. They were confused, worried, angry. I omitted some of the more violent detail of the trip, but they still feared what was to come. I was blunt:

“The Pillars are here. It is a matter of time before Kalas follows the faith of the surrounding towns and villages. The only comfort I can offer is that I saw much cooperation between cultists and non-cultists, and I did not think conversion was mandatory, but that there is some appeal that makes any forced push unneeded.”

I told them I was to be a Pillar of the Word, so I myself will be chanting lines from the golden book. While it may sound unreal, the chants and incantations somehow give everyone present a glimpse of what the resonance field feels like. It is beyond rational thought. It is raw emotion that won’t make you ask ‘Why?’ but rather ‘Why not?’”

~*~

And so it all came to pass as I have seen it in the visions. Well… almost! While this glowing metal had immense power, I had yet to see any mechanical monsters destroying villages. The bishops and the books? That was always going to be me. I let the warm flow of the resonance filed emanate through me, and my incantations brought together thousands. At first it felt awkward and clunky, like I was repeating someone else’s work as an impostor. People even threw rotten tomatoes at me. But the more I studied the book, the more I deciphered the runes. I think even Baraka failed to unlock some of the deeper connections. In fact, trying to store the knowledge in a book was only a crude first attempt to harness this new power. A book itself was too primitive and linear for the arcane knowledge within. The true form of this codex is a multi-layered sphere with a core made of the luminous metal that powers an expansion of thin layers, and that allows the Pillar of the Word to overlay the former ‘pages’ in infinite new ways. A magical onion with peels full of runes.

“See, my dear? I told you he was special!” said Urzeus to Baraka when I first demonstrated the new format.

~*~

With the sphere in hand, there really was no stopping the Pillars. I saw entire detachments of soldiers drop their weapons, laugh and hug each other after hearing but one or two verses and feeling the resonance field in their hearts. This was far more powerful than any mechanical monster.

After all I have seen and done, returning to the book store and my old life was no longer something I desired. I craved exploration, I wanted to continue upgrading the sphere and try using it to pacify far away lands ravaged by ongoing hundred-year wars. So I left Kalas two years after my return.

As I finish writing these pages, I am on a ship to the great isle of Eversorrow, a land of long-time grief, conflict, and ruin. It will be my greatest challenge yet! I spent two years in realms neighbouring Kalas, bringing many into the fold of the Pillars of Rebirth. Opponents of the Pillars did eventually find ways to resist, but none creative enough to fully stop the power of the spheres in the hands of talented Pillars of the Word.

If the light we show others is real and they choose it whole-heartedly, are we still the bad guys? Many realms were in shambles. In only a few months of them embracing the Pillars, these regions opened their borders, trading, working with each other like brothers.

There is still a small flicker of my old self within me, but as the wind pushes this ship to Eversorrow, this flicker is fading much like the shadowy figure who stopped pursuing me in the hills.

The end.

Author's note: I wrote this story using the Creation Myths solo journaling RPG by Emma Grier. The prompts provided the framework and inspiration for the story; the characters, narrative, dialogue, and prose are my own.

#story

©️ Razvan Ungureanu

Discuss...

The Hobbit is the latest Magic the Gathering set, a sequel to the Lord of the Rings (LOTR) set from a couple of years ago. As the fantasy universe is common to both Magic the Gathering (MTG) and LOTR, the set was quite successful and even left us with some very powerful cards like The One Ring and Orcish Bowmasters. Last week, Wizards of the Coast released The Hobbit. The set is on the smaller side, and it's too new to tell what cards will shine and which cards will be quickly forgotten.

One of the best ways to get your hands on the new set and have some fun at the same time is a pre-release event at a local game shop. You get a pre-release kit, which is a sealed box that includes 6 booster packs, a small promo pack, and a 20-sided die. You build a 40-card deck from the 6 packs of cards, and battle other players. Pairings are random, and since everyone starts with 6 packs, one's success comes down to skill, and a little bit of luck too. You play 3 rounds, and each round is best out of 3. I won 1 round and lost 2 rounds, because I am still new to the sealed format and still learning the tricks of assembling the best 40-card deck from a pool of cards I have not seen before. So, I'm OK losing some games for now.

While the gathering part of Magic the Gathering is fun, especially when you go with friends, another big draw for me has always been the artwork on the cards and the fantasy themes of the game. The Hobbit did not disappoint! I am a fan of elves in MTG, so I built and elf deck out of the 6 booster packs. Specifically, I built a green-blue landfall elf deck. I ignored the new mechanics in the set in favor of my preference for elves. I also did happen to have quite a few elf cards to make this work.

The highlights of my deck were Beorn, Reluctant Host, Silvan Reveler, and Thranduil's Company. Silvan Reveler alone won me the games I did win. She gets me a land card upon entering most times, and can come back from the graveyard for 3 mana, which in this deck is a pretty low cost. Beorn's adventure spell, Till and Tend, triggers landfall and helps me ramp. Thranduil let me play yet another land and pumps a creature for the turn, giving it vigilance too. This enables safe attacks without losing a blocker on my opponent's turn. Once ramping is compete, the 5 mana Beorn can come in, and he's a 5/5 with trample, a pretty serious threat even if he's not an elf.

A selection of support cards helped the strategy along. Bilbo Baggins, Burglar is not an elf, but he's a good support character. For one blue mana, Take a Glance lets me decide what my next card will be (Scry 2). Then, when cast, he lets me draw a card. Card draw is so important. Then, Down in the Valley is a saga that ramps on the first turn it enters, then gives you an elf token (or more, if I manage to play multiple lands that turn). Very useful! Wood Elves is a reprint on an older card. The fact that it lets you play an extra Forest untapped is key and significantly better than untapped.

Some utility cards helped me in a few specific scenarios. Confusticate and Bebother is a great option because I was able to use it either as a counter-spell, or as card draw. Mirkwood Nurturer was interesting. I had it return Enchanted River's Grasp to my hand, then cast it again, resulting in 2 enemy creatures being tapped before my attack phase. A great move to end the game and swing for lethal damage with a couple big creatures like Beorn.

Overall, the strategy was to ramp as much as possible, so that the landfall triggers made my board stronger, and the extra mana helped me cast the spells I needed to protect my own creatures and keep the attackers at bay. Silvan Reveler was a very cool card. Between this pre-release and the recent Stixhaven set, I find myself very happy playing blue-green. I always liked green, but I am finding blue adds some much-needed interaction (counter-spells, card draw, etc.). Happy with The Hobbit, thought I don't see myself buying many more cards from this set. The 40 card deck will be enough to provide some fun playing my friends.

Thanks for reading!

#story #mtg

©️ Razvan Ungureanu

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We played sealed, a format where each player builds a deck based on 6 sealed packs they open. You gotta build the best deck you can with the limited card pool those 6 packs offer you. The set was Strixhaven: School of Mages. The theme for the set is basically Harry Potter. The color combinations align to a 5 schools of magic. Upon opening my 6 packs, it was clear I would build a black-white (Silverquill) deck and a red-blue (Prismari) deck. It was also clear that the Silverquill deck had better cards.

Let’s start with the crappy Prismary deck. To be honest, I built this because I got a good number of cards in this color combination, and one of them was Grapeshot, a very, very good red spell that you can use create a killer combo thanks to its Storm ability. Sadly, things did not go well and before I could combo anything with Grapeshot, I had to use spells to defend myself against creatures. Another card that had potential was Conspiracy Theorist. Also didn’t pan out. While we’re listing cards that didn’t do much, I’ll add one from the Silverquill deck: Silverquill Apprentice. Seems like an OK card, but in the games I played this time, she just didn’t do much for me.

Ryan was playing a blue-green (Quandrix) deck. Among the cards that gave me a lot of hardship were: Needlethorn Drake, Wormhole Serpent, and Fractal Summoning. The drake is “just” a 1/1 with Deathtouch, but what that really means is that I had to be careful what I attack with because it’s sudden death for any larger creature blocked by this flyer. The other 2 cards ensured Ryan’s creatures were able to hit me, and did hit me hard.

On to the part where things did work well for me: the Silverquill deck! As I opened the 6 packs, I noticed 2 things: I was getting a lot of black and white cards, and I loved the artwork on many of them, especially all the warlocks. So, I knew I’d build this deck right away. Sedgemoor Witch and Shadewing Laureate were both very good creatures. They did their job and I love the artwork, especially on the laureate. Arrogant Poet was good too. Cool artwork, a nice option to pay 2 life and give him flying.

In terms of spells, Lash of Malice, Closing Statement, and Mage Hunter’s Onslaught were great. I loved Closing Statement for its option to pay less when casting it on the end step. While it meant fewer combat tricks, removal is removal, and it still meant one less creature for my opponent.

Speaking of tricks, my favourite creature card in terms of utility has to be Spiteful Squad. This creature is a little pricy at 4 mana, but I realized how useful it gets as soon as it gained some counters. It gets big, and when it dies, some other creature gets all those juicy counters. Awesome! Other neat spells were Divine Gambit and Professor’s Warning. The former is, as stated, a bit of a gambit. Luckily it did work in my favour as Ryan happened to lack a permanent to play at that moment. The latter is very good for just 1 mana. The counter could go on Spiteful Squad, for example.

#mtg #story

©️ Razvan Ungureanu

Discuss...

Skating on a longboard might not be the best hobby for life in Canada, where winters can take up about 5 months of the year, but it's as good as any other summer-time hobby. I first tried long-boarding in 2014, thinking it's “kind of like skateboarding, but without the tricks and the skate parks.” I did not know much about it, nor did I do much research prior to buying a board. The experience turned out lacklustre. I sold the board and filed the whole experience in the “not for me” folder.

Fast forward to 2021. Social life had taken a hit after the COVID lockdowns, and something like long-boarding around the city pathways seemed like a good idea. I figured it's as good a time as any to revisit this hobby. This time around, I did do more research and went into the hobby with a bit more knowledge. I had no plans to learn tricks or to go downhill like you see in many videos online. I always felt attracted to skateboards, but at the ripe age of 30-something, I don't want any injuries.

Back in the 90s, I did have a penny board when I was a kid, and I did enjoy it quite a bit. I don't know what happened to it. I think it stayed behind when my family moved to Canada. A penny board is a plastic skateboard with larger wheels, as opposed to the traditional ones made for tricks.

Speaking of terminology, I won't bore you with too much detail, but here are some of the basics that you can skip if you are already familiar with the lingo. Remember, I am still learning too, so this is a pretty generic overview:

The Deck

this is the board itself, usually made of several layers of wood, or sometimes other materials that might be stiffer and lighter. The drop-through decks will get you closer to the ground, which in turn makes pushing easier. Pushing is how you make the board move. Decks that are not drop-through look more like regular skateboards, but longer. The difference in ride hight comes from how the truck's baseplate is mounted. On a drop-through deck, the baseplate sites above the board, contrary to traditional skateboard decks, where the baseplate is under the deck.

The Trucks

This is the metal part that connects your deck to the wheels. At first sight, these may look all the same, but there are two main types: TKP (traditional kingpin) and RKP (reverse kingpin). The kingpin is the big metal bolt that keeps everything together, linking the baseplate to the hanger. The hanger is the T-shaped axle. TKP trucks are traditionally used in regular skateboards (the ones for tricks). RKP trucks are the most common longboard trucks: the kingpin faces outwards, so it would make tricks difficult. In exchange, RKP trucks offer better stability. You can still put TKP trucks on a longboard in order to achieve certain handling preferences, or to make smaller longboards more skate-trick-friendly so to speak.

The Wheels

There are so many wheels to choose from. The main considerations are size and hardness. The larger the wheels, the farther they will roll. Big wheels are great if you're taking longer rides on your longboard, and like to cruise with ease. On the other hand, smaller wheels might be better for a more nimble board. Wheel hardness will dictate how grippy the board is. A harder wheel can help you slide, but you'll also feel more of the little debris on the pathways. What I found was that for my area of the city, softer wheels are best. Most pathways are in good shape, but not nearly top notch smooth asphalt. Soft wheels will lose less momentum when going over debris and cracks in the pavement.

The Bushings

These are the little rubber cylinders that are part of the trucks. Hard bushings will make for a more steady ride at the expense of turn radius. Softer bushings will make the ride feel more responsive. Expert riders also note that different bushings have different rebound properties that help with certain styles of riding. For cruising around, I've been pretty happy with medium bushings, but I do change them and experiment with different hardness levels. The choice in bushings also depends on your body weight. What is a good medium bushing for me may be too soft for a heavier rider, for example.

Now that we went over some skateboard terminology, let's have a look at the boards that kept me busy these last two summers!

Landyachtz Ripper

First up is the Ripper, made by Landyachtz – a Vancouver-based manufacturer. This turned out to be a good choice for me. It is a good all-around board. It was great for me to practice and I was able to learn and understand more of the longboard technicalities as I kept cruising the pathways and reading online posts from others who share the hobby.

The kick-tail offers the option to get the nose off the ground if I ever do want to learn some basic tricks. This board came with TKP trucks, which make the Ripper feel very responsive. The bushings that came with it are a bit hard, but I chose not to change them. I'm keeping this board as is. The wheels are a little small for cruising. With a diameter of 63mm, they are on the smaller side as far as longboard wheels go. The hardness rating of 78A makes them pretty soft, which I was happy with on the older segments of the pathways. The Ripper is a fun board, but the smaller wheels demand a bit more pushing than some of the boards I built later on.

Sector 9 Bintang Fox

After riding the Ripper for a while, my curiosity drove me to explore a drop-through board. I chose the Sector 9 Bintang Fox because I immediately loved the graphics on it, and the slogan: “never worried, never hurried.” I felt it described my relaxed approach to skating, my focus on safety and my lack of desire to learn any dangerous tricks or to go fast down a hill.

This board turned out to be a good contrast to the Ripper. Its wide RKP trucks offered a steady ride, but once again the smaller wheels left me pushing quite a bit, feeling like it's just not rolling far or smooth enough. Of all my boards, I think this is the one that saw the most changes in wheels. I did make it work for me eventually, when I put on some 70mm Orangatang Stimulus wheels. But by then, I had moved on to better cruising options. Long story short, this deck ended up on my wall, stripped of its parts. I just love the graphics too much to sell it, and it makes for good wall art.

Zenit Marble 38

After the Ripper and the Fox, I had this idea that the best board would be one that's larger than the Ripper, something wider and stiffer. Zenit Boards had a sale around this time and I picked up something from their blemish section. These are heavily discounted decks due to small visual issues, such as the graphics not being printed properly. I did not want to spend a lot of money, but I was craving more variety and this was the first board I assembled myself, with parts bought from Zenit. The trucks I got were also blemished – they had a small scratch. The wheels were the only mint component here.

Sadly, the overall ride quality was not great, but it taught me a lot of things! With this board, I learned that smaller, harder wheels are not great for cruising, especially on concrete that's not smooth. I also leaned that a very stiff board may feel solid, but to me it also felt less fun. I learned just how enjoyable the flex in the Ripper really is. I believe the Marble 38 is a very good board, but maybe not the best for my own needs. Most importantly, the process of building this one from parts gave me the confidence boost I needed to start assembling my own boards rather than buying complete ones, which can be pricy. Like the very first longboard from 2014, the Marble had a meeting with the second hand market on Kijiji, and off it went to a better owner.

Landyachtz Dipper

By this point in time, I had a good idea of what constitutes a good cruiser and what doesn't. I had time to ride the boards I already had, and I had learned more and more from online forums about different setups and combinations. I was ready to build something new from parts. Since I was fairly sure by now that I won't be doing tricks, I chose a pintail deck: the Landyachtz Dipper.

This is the Ripper's cousin: almost the same deck, without the kick tail. The graphics were also from the same series as the dipper, only in blue rather than orange. For trucks, contrary to expectations, I went with a TKP option: regular skateboard trucks, Venture brand. This worked well thanks to the Dipper not being too wide at the front and back. The wheel choice made up for that width anyway: Orangatang 4President wheels, 70mm. That size, with a durometer of 77a (really soft), made for a huge upgrade in ride quality, smoothness and speed. These bigger, softer wheels had no issues with the less-than-perfect pavement in my area. Small stones? Leaves? Cracks in the asphalt? Small sticks? Didn't matter! Moreover, The TKP trucks made the ride pretty responsive and the flexible deck made it a lot of fun. The Dipper became my go-to board for most of the summer. I was happy with my creation! Eventually, I did take this board apart, and a friend of mine gave it a new home, but with a different configuration.

Loaded Omakase

Did I need anymore boards? No. Did I stop experimenting and trying out new setups? Also no. By now, I was trying to aim for variety; to have a few different boards that each rode differently and gave me a different experience. I thought the Omakase would be a good addition to my quiver. A quiver is a collection of skateboards.

This board was the one that made me think I went too far. Loaded is one of the high-end brands, so I wanted to buy the board as complete rather than experiment with my own parts. What I realized is that for someone who's only cruising around, a board like the Omakase was simply overkill. I do not have the skill to truly appreciate the finer points of this board. I tried changing the wheels and even the trucks, but ultimately this board didn't bring me something that justified the price tag. So, before putting anymore wear on it, I introduced it to my old friend, the second hand market, to recover as much cash as I could. I later learned that the Omakase was designed with the option of adding an electric motor to it, which is something I would not have done anyway.

Zenit AB Maze

Thanks to the longboard community, I made a friend in town. One day, I got to try out his Loaded Pantheon Trip Collab board. It's similar to the much loved and very popular Pantheon Pranayama, a board that makes long distance pushing easy by being low to the ground. Paired with big wheels – 85 mm diameter an up – you get a very comfortable board that you can ride for many kilometres without getting too tired. The big wheels will roll a lot longer than small ones and your knees don't tire as fast thanks to the low ride height of the drop-through design.

One day, my friend told me there was a sale on the Zenit AB Maze deck, which is similar in design to the Trip Collab and Pranayama. My quiver did not have any decks like this. Paired with the very good sale price, I couldn't say no. I already had trucks for it, and wheels. Indeed, this board rides very nicely! Even a beginner like myself was able to do 12 km on it without feeling sore in the knees. I ended up ordering larger wheels – 86 mm McFly wheels from 88wheels. I took this board on a weekend trip to a nearby city – Lethbridge – where I had the chance to ride it several hours each day. It's great, and I finally understood why people loved other similar boards so much. It's just effortless and fun, without getting tired as easily or having to push so often. The wheels are soft, and with the extra-large size, debris or cracks in the pavement don't matter at all.

Landyachtz Big Dipper

Most normal people would have probably stopped at this point, but when I really get into a hobby, I want to keep exploring and trying different setups, customizing, experimenting. Having spare parts also makes it a lot cheaper to continue playing around with new setups. Landyachtz released a larger version of the Dipper. If you recall from earlier, this was the cruiser I assembled from individual parts that I was very happy with it. The thought of a longer, more flexible version of the Dipper intrigued me. As mentioned before, no need for me to waste money on completes now that I have spare parts and I know what I want to assemble: I just buy the deck. I paired the Big Dipper with Gullwing RPK trucks. Funny enough, I got the trucks at half price due to an end of season sales. I used the soft 4President wheels I already owned. Initial thoughts: it's fun and very flexible due to its length – 42.2 inches long! And then, winter came. I'll be riding this board next season.

Friends

One of the great things about any hobby is sharing it with others. When my parents visited this summer, it was fun to show them some of the boards and talk to them about the hobby. When I met my new friend for a few rides along the pathways, I learned a lot from him and got to try new boards. And when my old friend and neighbour down the street showed interest, I was happy to go skateboarding with him and his two boys, and to help him customize his boards with new wheels. I leave you with this shot from a quick ride around the neighbourhood, with a stop at 7-Eleven. Looking forward to next summer, when the longboard fun can continue!

Thanks for reading! #story

©️ Razvan Ungureanu

Discuss...

Last week, as I was driving by a local mall, I noticed that something new had popped up. It's called the Museum of Failure, and it's a temporary exhibit showcasing failed products over the past 50 or so years. I was intrigued by this. It sounded fun, and it seemed like a place where I could take some interesting photos.

I came back armed with my camera and my wallet. The admission fee was $20, and I was advised to download the app that goes hand in hand with the museum. I did download it – only because it did not collect any personal information – but I did not use it much. More about that later.

The exhibit filled about and hour and a half of my time, and it was fairly entertaining. However, the setting was not very well lit, and most failed products were behind glass, which did not yield the best photographs. Still, I'm glad I checked it out!

I have to say, I was already familiar with some of the failed products displayed, which made me feel a little old. For example, I owned things like a Microsoft Zune and a Sony Minidisc player myself, in the early 2000s. Hell, I still have the Minidisc player, though it's been sitting in a box of old memories for many years.

Something that surprised me was the plastic bike! I'm not surprised someone came up with this idea; I'm more surprised they did not manage to make it work! In this day and age, cheap replicas seem to have a pretty good customer base. I guess they drew the line when safety was involved.

On the eerie side of things, I saw a set of lobotomy tools. What a barbaric “medical” procedure that was! I get the chills just thinking about it.

Speaking of creepy, there was also this facial beauty treatment mask. It looked like something straight out of a horror movie! Here it is for your enjoyment.

The list goes on an on, and many of these are listed on the museum's site. I think the idea is fun, but I wish the presentation was a bit better. Remember the app? I'm a little old school. If I go to a museum, I prefer to be present and enjoy what I see there, in person. I prefer not to stare at my phone. So, I felt like I did not get the full experience because I didn't use the app. This seems to be a trend nowadays, where technology is combined with reality to create these mixed experiences. To be honest, I find the approach cheap and lazy. I feel like a little more effort into the physical space could have made this museum really shine. Maybe in other locations it's better. In this poorly lit concrete hall at the mall, the Museum of Failure failed to truly impress me, but it did entertain me sufficiently for the $20 entry fee.

#story

©️ Razvan Ungureanu

Discuss...

I focused my last two posts on the negative relationship I have had with video games, and on how I've stopped playing them. This time, I'd like to switch to a more positive tone and focus on the positive changes I noticed since I stopped playing games. As usual, I'd like to state that these are just my opinions, and I'm not an expert. What works for me might not work for you.

Whenever I used to get very interested in a game, I noticed that all my other hobbies fade in the background. Now, without games, they are re-surfacing and bringing me a lot of positivity. First of all, my camera sees a lot more usage. I stopped gaming for almost 2 months now, and I already got a number of great photos. My mind feels free of games, so it finds more purpose in other hobbies. Whenever I know I'll be going to a new place, or out for a long walk, I'll take my camera. Of course, we all have our cell phone cameras on us, which is great. But bringing my actual camera feels different. It feels more purposeful and I observe my surroundings with a fresh perspective. I've learned how to use an analog camera when I was a kid, in the early 90s. I switched to digital cameras sometime in the early 2000s. Photography has always been there, but because of the amount of time spent on video games, it tended be a sporadic hobby. Well, I'm just happy to make it less sporadic now. I share some of the photos I take on my Twitter page (check the Media tab if you'd like).

Another hobby that took a back seat for a while is writing. I used to have a movie review blog throughout university and after. I watched movies and reviewed them. I also used to write blog posts such as these here on Medium, but that also faded over time. I'm happy to resurrect this habit now that games are not taking up so much of my time and mental energy. Aside from Medium, I'm also on a 70+ day streak with my personal journal. I managed to write in there every day, and it's giving me hope that I can finally turn writing into a respectable interest. After all, I'm an English major! It's a pity not to do more of what I love. These posts on Medium are a good way to get back into it, while the personal journal helps me make sure that I write at least something small every day.

The third interest that is helping me fill the space left behind by video games is fitness. Now, to be fair, this one I did manage to maintain even while gaming, but I feel like I am getting a lot more satisfaction out of it now than I did before. Fitness went from something I did just to stay healthy, to something I genuinely enjoy and look forward to. I tend to work out in the morning. This really gives me a boost in positivity. I also exercise in after work, by taking my dog for a walk. Ok, so it's a walk, and not an actual exercise routine, but I try to keep up a fairly fast pace and make the walks 3-5 Km long. It is not as pleasant in winter, when it's dark and cold out by the time I finish work, but I still push myself to do it. I really think fitness is key to getting rid of bad habits. The fresh air during walks, the sweat and heartbeat during workouts, the calm of yoga and meditation – these are exactly the things video games take away from me. Movement is life, and it feels so good not to sit in a chair for hours, pushing buttons and going nowhere.

It is still too early to say how these hobbies will evolve for me, but I am cautiously optimistic.

Thank you for reading! #story

©️ Razvan Ungureanu

Discuss...

To me, video games have become similar to a slot machine disguised as digital entertainment. Gamers will argue that not all games are addictive; that some are just stories and playing them is no different than watching a movie where you choose the outcome and you play the hero. The same gamers will also typically agree that some games are, indeed, very addictive. These are games designed to get you hooked from the get-go, through the use of in-game currencies, loot boxes, and competitive ranking systems that make you want to get better and better with little reward.

Game genre differences aside, on a personal level I just find it easier to stop playing all video games than pick and choose which ones I allow myself to play. I know what games I like, and replacing a role playing game I know inside out with a story-based game that I can beat in one week is just not the same. I tried, and it fails to satisfy the same craving. maybe I'm just weak when out comes to games. If you, as the reader, are on the fence about your relationship with gaming, you can try this quiz just for fun. You don't have to quit games, but maybe it will show you what people who do need to quit them might feel or think.

I've had a lot of experience with addiction. I smoked cigarettes for a number of years and I drank too much too. I have successfully quit both of these for years now, but it took many tries. Everyone is different, but I learned how to tell when something is becoming a problem, if not a full-fledged addiction. The word “addiction” is pretty strong, so many will just back away from it. I was one of them. Instead, what helped me in quitting things like drinking and now gaming is looking at it as a problem rather than an addiction. I have a “problem” with games sounds a lot more manageable than “I am addicted to games,” doesn't it?

It's important to recognize that what I see as problematic is not necessarily true for others. A lot is based on my personal experiences, past and present. I played games a lot throughout my life, and I'm at a point where they are no longer a fun hobby. Instead, they are a time sync that would keep me from doing more with my life. They are a constant distraction for my mind, where I would think of the game even when I am not playing it. They are the kind of hobby that outshines any other hobby due to its built-in instant gratification and false sense of accomplishment. The list goes on. If you talked to me in my 20's, I would have never believed any of these statements. If you talked to me in my teens, I would have said “I'll play games until the day I die.” In fact, I did say that to my dad once. He still remembers it!

The WHO recognized video games addiction as a real problem a couple of years ago. There are good resources for stopping or taking control of gaming. What helped me a lot in quitting games was the r/stopgaming forum on Reddit and the GameQuitters website. These resources helped me feel less alone in my struggle to fix my gaming problem.

Why is it so hard to just play less? you might ask. Well, to me it's not even about the amount of time anymore. It used to be, in my 20's, when I did little else aside from work. These days, with more grown-up duties and responsibilities, I would not really have too much time anyway. But even 1-2 hours a day, to me, was still problematic. Why? Because games outshine other hobbies. In the game, it is easy to be a hero and to accomplish great things very quickly. Most modern games don't even really have a penalty for dying in the game. You just respawn and continue.

I think the reason it is hard for people to see the addictive side of games is that games are not physically harmful the way substance addictions are. They are not great for your eyes and back because you end up sitting there for hours and hours staring at the screen, but you could say the same about office jobs and watching TV. As usual, mental health is only an after-thought, when it should really take centre stage.

Games also come off as more fun compared to other hobbies because they are highly engaging. My mind is 100% in the game when I play, creating a tunnel-vision effect where reality fades and the only thing that matters is the here and now of the game world. Losing one's self in a hobby is not a bad thing – it's actually a good thing – but games make it so easy that I don't really care about any other hobbies. Why bother with more complex hobbies, when turning on the game is instantly gratifying, exciting, and rewarding? That's the problem for me, no mater if I play 6 hours a day or 1 hour a day. It is best for me to just quit altogether than moderate. You wouldn't tell a cigarette smoker to just smoke fewer cigarettes a day, right? Or a heroin addict to just do heroin less often. It's an extreme comparison, but I think it serves its purpose.

Before COVID, I had stopped playing games for 6 months. In that time, I took up photography again, I started working out more, I took my dog for longer walks, and even got a new job. I fixed many things around the house, and felt I had more time for everything. As soon as I took up gaming again, during all the lockdowns and after, the only good habit that stayed was the exercise routine, and only because I did that in the morning, when I would not be playing games anyway. Now, 45 days into quitting games again, I already feel my passion for everything else resurfacing: photography, writing, home improvement, talking to people more, being more present and happy, etc. Games gave me a false sense of accomplishment: the victories in virtual worlds made real-world achievements unnecessary. I have no hard feelings for leaving games behind, hopefully for good this time.

Thanks for reading! #story

©️ Razvan Ungureanu

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Even the thought of writing about it is so daunting that I had trouble getting started. So, I decided to break it down into smaller chunks! Welcome to the first chapter!

I've been a gamer since I was a kid, but I'll skip the life story this time. Now in my mid-thirties, I decided it's time to kick the habit. You might think: “Why is this guy talking about video games like some sort of addiction?” I challenge anyone who plays video games daily to take a break for one week (or one month if you're brave) and let me know if you still think they are not similar to any other addiction.

I tried quitting several times before, and at most I lasted for 6 months. That was before COVID hit. The lockdowns drew me back to gaming and re-ignited the craving for action and adventure in virtual realms. In itself, this sounds fairly innocent and harmless, even healthy if you think of the social aspect of online games in a time when socializing in the real world became hindered by the pandemic.

I finally mustered up the willpower to try quitting games again, and here I am writing about it to share my experience 38 days into it. My first observation is exactly this: it took just over a month to start seeing positive changes. I noticed that small things in life are starting to bring me more joy than before. Something as simple as a walk is more exciting and meaningful now. I notice more of my surroundings and I appreciate them a lot more.

While gaming, there is always a part of my mind that's occupied with the thought of gaming, of what I'll do next time I play, what game I'll play, what's the next feat to accomplish in the game. All that brain buzz has finally subsided, and it took a whole month! While I didn't think of a specific game this month, I did think about gaming in general and still felt like a gamer. Finally, I am starting to feel like a non-gamer inside my head.

Games are junk food for the mind, much like social media, TV and streaming. All these sources are easy providers of dopamine for the brain. Remove them, and you suddenly don't know why you're feeling down. All other sources of joy require at least a little bit more effort. And that is how these modern amusements become modern addictions: they are just so easy! Why sit down with a book that takes conscientious focus and effort when you can turn on the Playstation and be showered with excitement immediately? Replace “Playstation:” with “TikTok” and it's no different.

This brings me to my second observation. The tendency when quitting video games is to replace them with something else, because of the time gap they create. More free time is hard to come by, but with so many easy distractions, it's key to avoid replacing one bad habit with another. As such, I have been quite careful with how much time I spend online and in front of the TV (Netflix, Apple TV+, etc.). I read comments and stories from others who are trying to ditch video games, and many end up spending hours and hours on Reddit, for example. Others quit playing games, but they still watch YouTube or Twitch gaming streams. It's not easy to break the cycle, so I've tried to be cautious with all the digital forms of entertainment in order to avoid replacing one brain junk food with another.

My last point is exactly this focus on what to do. What should I replace games with? In previous attempts, I rushed to the logical, mechanical approach: replace games with one of the hobbies that lay in waiting and never really got much attention. This time, I'm trying a more holistic approach, a slower approach, grounded in feeling more than logic. I'm not rushing into any hobby, but rather I'm letting those interests manifest themselves. I like writing, but it took me over a month to finally put together this post. I like photography, but I'm not forcing that one either. I want to embrace the sense of discovery, to allow myself to be drawn into these interests and others, rather than dictate them to my brain.

Quitting an old habit – or an addiction – is hard. I hope this new approach will help me push past my previous record of 6 months, and into a life with less junk food for the brain, and more meaningful interests and hobbies.

In the next instalment of this series, I'll have to delve into the addictive facet of gaming and talk about how moderation is not an option for a lot of people when trying to stop playing video games.

Thanks for reading! #story

©️ Razvan Ungureanu

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